Hypnosis after a Breakup
Mornings are the worst. The first three seconds when you don't remember, and then you do.
You made it four days without looking at their profile. Last night you gave in, and you reread the whole conversation from the beginning.
You know perfectly well why it ended. And you can't make any use of that.
This page does not promise you'll forget — that is impossible, and it isn't the aim. It sets out what keeps the pain going day to day, what you actually have a hold on, and what hypnosis can support alongside proper care, without ever delaying it.
Why it is so hard
If you are having dark thoughts right now, stop reading and call.
In Quebec: 1 866 APPELLE (1 866 277-3553), 24/7, or text 535353 · Info-Social 811 option 2.
Elsewhere in Canada: 988, call or text.
In France: 3114, free, 24/7.
A breakup is a time when this happens, and these lines are staffed by professionals.
A breakup is an upheaval, and several things combine to stop you turning the page even when you rationally want to.
Attachment. The bonds built up over time — even in an unsatisfying relationship — do not disappear at once. We are social animals: being surrounded brings a kind of emotional safety, and its withdrawal is felt physically.
Habits and memories. A breakup unsettles every routine. A place, a song, an hour of the day brings the other person back without warning. And memory does not give the relationship back as it was: in many people it keeps the good moments and sets aside the reasons for the split; in others it is the reverse, and it is the reproaches that go round. Either way, the memory is not a faithful account. It is sharper still if the other person stays present around you, or presses to start again.
Loneliness, and other people's eyes. Beyond the emotional gap there is a social one. How to go out alone. Whether to announce it. And that feeling of being out of step when everyone around you prizes coupledom and social media scrolls its perfect couples.
What keeps the pain going day to day
This is the most concrete part, and the one you can act on.
Checking their profile. Rereading the messages. Asking mutual friends for news. Piecing together what they are doing now.
Each of these gestures brings relief for a few minutes — you have information, you are back in touch after a fashion. Then the missing comes back stronger, because you have just reopened the door.
This is not a failure of willpower. It is a mechanism, and it is reversible. Cutting down those contacts — real and digital — is one of the few things you have a hold on in the first weeks. It is also one of the hardest.
What you can do right now
Cut down contact, digital included. Mute rather than block, if blocking feels too harsh. It isn't for ever, it is for the time the wound needs.
Put away, don't throw away. Put the objects and photos in a box you don't open, rather than destroying everything in a moment you might regret.
Don't make an irreversible decision. Moving house, resigning, cutting off mutual friends: in the first weeks, people decide badly.
Tell those close to you what you need. Many want to help and don't know how, and some advice — "you have to move on", "you deserve better" — does more harm than good.
And hold the basics. Eat, sleep, move, go out a little. This isn't incidental: it is what gives you the resource to get through the rest.
"Forgetting" is not the aim
Our clients often use the phrase "forget my ex", and it is what people type into a search engine. But forgetting is impossible, and it would be a shame: every life experience, painful ones included, teaches you something about yourself and about others. What is possible is something else — grieving this relationship. Keeping what it brought, setting that chapter at a distance, and no longer being organised by it.
And it takes time
It has to be said, because nobody says it.
Grieving a relationship is not something you get through in a few sessions, and there is no normal timetable. A Dutch study that followed people for thirty weeks after their breakup found four very different paths: some barely dipped, others took months, and others were still struggling seven months on.
No two days are alike: you can be better for a week, then have a very bad day for no apparent reason. That is not a step backwards, and it is not a failure. That is how it goes.
If there was violence or control, this is something else.
If the relationship involved violence — verbal, psychological, physical, economic — control over your movements, your messages or your relationships, or manipulation, this is not a difficult breakup, it is something else.
Your difficulty in leaving, or the fact that you went back several times, is not a weakness on your part. It is in fact how these situations usually work, described in Quebec as the cycle of domestic violence.
In Quebec: SOS violence conjugale, 1 800 363-9010 or text 438-601-1211, 24/7, for anyone of any gender.
In France: 3919, Violences Femmes Info, for women victims and those close to them, free, anonymous, 24/7.
If you are in immediate danger, 911 in Quebec, 17 in France.
And if the suffering settles in.
Heartbreak is normal. What deserves a medical opinion is when it does not ease at all after several months, when it lastingly affects your sleep, your appetite and your work, when you withdraw, or when your drinking increases.
A depressive episode can follow a breakup: in a Dutch study, a quarter of people separated for about two months reported depressive symptoms, against 2 % of people in a relationship. It can be treated, and it is a doctor who assesses it.
And if your suffering seems to you connected to trauma or to your family history, a psychologist is the right resource. We are neither psychologists nor psychotherapists.
Video available in French
Video transcript
Est ce que tu sors d'une relation et d'une séparation difficile et tu aimerais oublier ton ex ? Dans cette vidéo, on discute comment l'hypnose peut t'accompagner dans ce processus. Alors il est tout d'abord important de bien comprendre que dans la vie, il est impossible d'oublier. Néanmoins, chacune des expériences que l'on vit permet de se bâtir, d'apprendre, et l'hypnose peut t’accompagner de différentes manières pour te rebâtir suite à une rupture amoureuse.
Tout d'abord, en prenant le temps de faire le deuil de la relation, se dissocier émotionnellement. En effet, il se peut que tu sois encore attaché(e) émotionnellement à la personne avec qui tu as été en relation. Et l'hypnose peut te permettre de créer plus rapidement de la dissociation. La phase de deuil passe par plusieurs étapes : la colère, la tristesse et ensuite la dissociation. Donc on peut venir permettre de favoriser cette phase de deuil grâce aux outils d'hypnose.
Les outils d'hypnose peuvent aussi te permettre de te tourner vers le futur avec la création de nouveaux ancrages positifs, donc te permettre de te projeter dans une prochaine relation, de favoriser une relation avec une bonne gestion émotionnelle de ta part, par exemple. On peut venir aussi identifier ensemble qu'est ce qui a fait que cette relation là n'a pas fonctionné pour toi et comment est ce qu'on pourrait améliorer ces principes là ?
En étant accompagné en hypnose, on peut aussi observer ensemble ton niveau de conscience émotionnelle et d'intelligence relationnelle. On peut venir aussi te permettre de te projeter dans les futures étapes de ta vie, peut être même en dehors d'une nouvelle relation grâce à l'hypnose. Et point très important, nous pouvons travailler sur l'amélioration de l'estime et de la confiance en toi. Car plus tu as une estime solide à l'intérieur de toi, plus tu es capable d'être autonome émotionnellement et donc d'avoir une relation amoureuse équilibrée.
Alors au plaisir de t'accompagner dans ces différents enjeux pour te permettre d'avoir une prochaine relation amoureuse épanouie et qui te remplisse de joie.
Hypnotherapy is a complementary form of support and does not replace medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns about your health, please consult a physician first.
What hypnosis can support
It will not make you forget, it will not bring the other person back, and it replaces neither a doctor nor a psychologist if your situation calls for one. It guarantees no result, and it does not shorten grief.
What the work aims at:
- Easing what you feel when a memory or a situation brings the other person back. Not erasing the memory: making the moment more bearable.
- Getting back a fuller view of the relationship, when the memory has narrowed — to the good moments alone, or to the reproaches alone.
- The rumination, and the scenarios that go round and round in the evening.
- Sleep, often affected, which makes everything else worse.
- Easing the guilt, the regret, the anger, depending on which dominates.
- Cutting down the checking — the profile, the messages, news through friends — gradually, staying with the missing that rises when you don't.
- Rebuilding self-esteem, often dented.
- And clarifying what you want for what comes next, when the time comes. Not before.
A word about timing
Many people come very early, in the days that follow. That is legitimate, and the work then is mostly about sleep, intensity and the checking.
What comes after — understanding what was at play, clarifying what you are looking for — asks for being a little less raw. People decide badly when they are hurting, and that holds for decisions of the heart too.
What the research says
There is no study specifically on hypnosis and romantic breakup. We prefer to tell you.
What is documented is its effect on psychological distress in general, anxiety included, with results often in the medium to large range — but measured in contexts other than this one, and in work whose own authors judge the methodological quality uneven. On anxiety specifically, adding hypnosis to therapy already under way showed no additional benefit.
In other words: hypnosis is documented for what surrounds a breakup — anxiety, sleep, rumination — but not for the breakup itself.
An example: Laura's case
*Name changed, published with her agreement.*
Laura, 32, had come out of a difficult five-year relationship. Despite the breakup, the attachment was still keen and she could not picture any future for herself. She described days that were perfectly fine and evenings spent rereading old messages, always the same ones. The support focused on those evenings in particular — on the precise moment she reopened the conversation, on what came just before it, and on what she could do with that moment instead.
Then on what she felt when certain memories came back, and on the view she kept of the relationship — which had ended up holding on to nothing but what she was missing.
This case describes one possible path. It predicts nobody else's. The pace and the results vary from one person to another, grieving a relationship takes time, and no support can guarantee an outcome.
How the work unfolds
The first conversation. Since when, in what circumstances, what is hardest right now, and what you do when it rises. Your practitioner will also tell you if your situation seems to them a matter for a doctor or a psychologist first.
A concrete objective. Not "forget", but: sleep, get through an evening without reopening the conversation, go to that birthday party where they might be, take up an activity you dropped.
The induction, then the work itself: settling, the intensity of what comes back, rumination, sleep, the way you talk to yourself.
What carries on afterwards. A short exercise, to be practised at a set time rather than at the moment the missing rises.
How many sessions? That's discussed at the first conversation. Nobody can know in advance.
Book an appointment
Tell us where you are, and we'll tell you honestly whether we are the right resource. If your situation is first a matter for a doctor or a psychologist, we'll say so — and it is never a refusal, simply the right order of things. Ask us a question or book an appointment. Our practitioners who work in English see people in Montreal, Sherbrooke, Gatineau, Paris and Lille, and by video wherever you are in the world.
What the breakup has affected may have its own page: grief and sadness if it is the sorrow that dominates, sleep problems if it is the nights, and confidence, esteem and assertiveness if it is the picture you have of yourself that took the blow.
Where would you like to consult?
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Frequently asked questions about Hypnosis after a Breakup
No, and it is impossible. What can be worked on is how intensely you feel it and how much room it takes up in your days.
There is no normal length. A study that followed people for thirty weeks after their breakup found four very different paths. What is certain is that it isn't linear: a good week can be followed by a very bad day, and that is not a step backwards.
No. The work will simply be about something else: sleep, intensity, the checking. Understanding and looking ahead come later.
Not necessarily everywhere, and not necessarily for good. What counts is cutting down the occasions to check: muting is often enough, if blocking feels too harsh.
That is not abnormal. What does deserve a medical opinion is if nothing eases at all, if your sleep and appetite stay affected, or if you withdraw.
It isn't contradictory, it is in fact common. And if there was violence or control, see the box above: your difficulty in leaving is not a weakness.
That's discussed at the first conversation. Nobody can know in advance.
Sources and references
The helplines
- 1 866 APPELLE: 24/7 crisis line — Suicide.ca (in French): "1 866 APPELLE (277-3553) […] 24 heures sur 24 et 7 jours sur 7", and the text service at 535353.
- Canada rolls out 988 — Suicide.ca (in French): "En composant ce numéro, l'appel ou le texto sera redirigé vers les services du Québec, soit le 1-866-APPELLE." That is why this page lists Quebec first.
- SOS violence conjugale — 1 800 363-9010, text 438-601-1211, chat, 24/7, for anyone of any gender.
- Violences Femmes Info — 3919 — French public service directory (in French): "Ouvert 24h sur 24 et 7 jours sur 7", free, anonymous, and absent from phone bills.
On domestic violence and the difficulty of leaving
- Violence conjugale : de quoi parle-t-on ? — Institut national de santé publique du Québec (in French): domestic violence "survient souvent à l'intérieur d'un cycle […] qui comporte quatre phases : tension, agression, justification et réconciliation".
On recovery after a breakup
- Verhallen, A. M. et al. (2022). *Depressive symptom trajectories following romantic relationship breakup*. Stress and Health, 38(4), 653-665. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov — 87 people followed for thirty weeks, four distinct trajectories, and "the trajectories were non-linear".
- Verhallen, A. M. et al. (2019). *Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression*. PLoS ONE, 14(5), e0217320. journals.plos.org — "26.8% reported symptoms corresponding to mild, moderate or severe depression", against 2.2 % of people in a relationship.
On hypnosis
- Rosendahl, J., Alldredge, C. T., & Haddenhorst, A. (2024). *Meta-analytic evidence on the efficacy of hypnosis for mental and somatic health issues: a 20-year perspective*. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1330238. frontiersin.org — 49 meta-analyses, only nine of high methodological quality; and "a non-significant null effect on anxiety symptoms when hypnosis in addition to CBT was compared to CBT alone".
Hypnosis as practised by the members of Solutions Hypnose is a complementary support approach. It is neither a medical act, nor a diagnosis, nor psychotherapy in the regulatory sense, and it in no way replaces a consultation, follow-up or treatment prescribed by a health professional.
Our practitioners do not assess and do not treat mental disorders or illnesses. They never ask for an ongoing treatment to be stopped or changed: that decision rests exclusively with your doctor.
No result can be guaranteed. The testimonials and examples presented on this page describe individual experiences and do not predict what you will experience.
In case of significant distress, unexplained physical symptoms or suicidal thoughts, contact a doctor, emergency services or a helpline without delay.
Page written by Florence Aton
hypnotherapist and NLP coach
partner at Solutions Hypnose.
English version reviewed by David Veilleux